Being a mom is really the most amazing feeling in the world. At the same time, it is also one of the most terrifying feelings. I now know what people mean when they say their heart skips a beat because I get that flutter feeling whenever I walk in the house after work and 2 beautiful, happy and healthy children run to me excitedly saying "momma, momma, you're home!"
I have also come to know what it means when people say "my heart stopped for a moment" because I experienced that last week. Until last week, I had never had such a paralyzing feeling.
So what happened? Well, it was a normal day after work and I had both girls. We were playing around on our bed with JOE throwing JAE's towel and JAE excitedly going to grab the towel and bring it back. Our bed is pretty large and we had enough room so I wasn't too worried.
Well, wouldn't you know that JAE suddenly decided walk off the bed! One minute, I was standing right there watching her play with my arms stretched out towards her and the next, she was walking off the bed and I was throwing myself across the bed to catch her. But the entire thing happened in slow motion as I watched her walk off the bed onto the floor. At that very moment, my heart must have stopped because I was completely numb!
Now, I know people say "oh kids fall all the time." But if you know me, you know I am very proudly a protective mother. Having a biology/pre-med undergraduate degree also means I know enough about anatomy and physiology to be T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D.
Anyways, where was I? In the second that my heart started back up, I immediately reached for my baby. Another one I've read is "don't touch the baby until you have accessed the situation and know what's going on." Well, to heck with that! All I wanted at this moment in time was to grab my baby! I immediately picked her up and she started to cry out loud. To say hearing her cry in so much pain brought me some joy would be an understatement. Why? Because hearing her cry meant that she was taking in oxygen and was able to feel. I immediately checked her head, checked her limbs and her entire body. She continued to cry and even though I knew she would be OK, I still panicked.
Thankfully, this happened a few minutes before J got home. He was concerned but also calm at the same time. I was still in shock because of just how quickly this happened.
We called the pediatrician twice! Yes, we are those parents. Anyways, the on-call pediatrician did little to calm us. She asked a few questions and apparently was satisfied that JAE was OK. She then topped it off with "well, the only reason you'd be concerned is if you went to wake her up and she wouldn't wake up." REALLY??? This incident occurred a little after 6pm in the evening. Close to her bedtime. So now, that made us even more concerned! We watched JAE like a hawk that evening for ANYTHING out of the ordinary but thankfully, she didn't exhibit anything.
That night, I was up every hour listening to her breath. I got up multiple times to check on her temperature. It was a trying night. The next day, I must have checked with their child care provider every 30-minutes. I demanded to facetime with the kids AND also wanted pictures sent to me throughout the day. Thankfully, she obliged me. Again...over protective mom her so don't judge...too much :-D.
And truth be told, I broke down on the phone and cried while talking to my mom at work! I was soooooooo concerned. I couldn't believe how this happened. My mom knew just the right words to say to me. Afterall, she's had 6 :-).
I googled EVERYTHING I could find about babies falling and the potential unseen side effects.
The night it occurred, JAE had a swollen eye. 48-hours after the incident, JAE's eye started turning purple. Again, I wanted to panic but thanks to J's voice of reason, he told me this was actually a sign of her eye healing.
And indeed, it was healing.
In it all, JAE has been a true champ and just dusted herself off and moved on. J and I are the ones who carry the scar of the incident.
That incident has truly made me VERY thankful for these little ones. For their resilience and for every moment with them.
Having kids can sometimes be challenging BUT they bring so so so much joy into our lives each day. My dad was right. Havings kids is like watching my heart walk around BUT I wouldn't have it any other way because that walk makes my heart stronger each day.