I feel like since I got pregnant, life has changed so much for J and I. Within weeks of finding out I was pregnant, J got a new job which he absolutely loves doing. I was very happy and proud of him him and was excited that our newest addition was already bringing us luck. We are in the process of purchasing our first home together and in addition to that, we are also having to make changes to our finances to ensure that baby J is taken care of when she arrives.
While I am still basking in the joys of soon becoming a first time mom, every now and then, I take a moment to think of all the changes and panic sets in. Here are just some of the thoughts going through my head:
- Will I be a good mom? Since I'll be a first time mom, I hope the decisions I make don't end up scaring the kid for life.
- Will my kids love me? I'd like to say all kids love their parents but I know that's not true. I know of some kids who are estranged from their parents and I honestly don't think I'd be able to handle it if my kids decided that we just aren't a good match as far as being close to J & I.
- Will I ever fit in my regular clothes again? I know that's not something I should be worrying about now but the thought does occur to me frequently. I see some people who have a baby and then years later, folks are still trying to figure out if its a new pregnancy or if its just weight from the last pregnancy.
- Will I ever be able to just be selfish and do what I want? I know that is a selfish thing to think of especially when bringing a child into this world but I often wonder if I will ever be as independent as I am now. J is awesome and gives me my space when I need it but I know kids are more needy than husbands.
- I love to travel...will that be a forgotten dream? Before I met J, I made a list of the places I'd like to visit. I haven't even gotten half way through the list and I am a little scared that I won't get to it now with a kid. Granted, my parents took us with them when we were young and now they do occasionally travel on their own but I am scared that I won't be able to take those trips and that'll be one of those bucket list items I never get to.
- Will we ever be able to retire and enjoy life? J & I are somewhat late bloomers. We met a little before we each turned 30 and got married at 33. I'll be 35 when our first little one arrives which means that by the time she graduates college, I'll be 57! YIKES!!! I sometimes envy my friends who started their family at a younger because it means they'll also be done at a younger age.
Those are just some of the thoughts that have been running through my head. Thankfully, J has listened and we often talk about them. He does a good job putting my mind at ease but oftentimes, its just a matter of time before I get back to that line of thought again.
I know some of these thoughts are first time parent fears but I can assure you in my head, it all seems VERY rational :-).
Here's a picture of J & I on our first trip together outside of the States. I still remember how happy I was that night!
Do you have any fears of "growing up" and taking on additional responsibilities? If so, how do you tackle them?
For the first time moms out there, did you ever have any of these fears? If so, please share and let me know how you felt after the baby arrived.